Take the Money and Run

Until January of this year, I was a regular customer of Comixology. As I've never been one to collect comic books as an investment, I quite liked the idea of a digital comic collection. I wouldn't have to buy bags and longboxes to prevent my comics from deteriorating, and I could carry my entire collection (or at least a significant portion of it) on my iPad.

It wasn't long before I noticed something else that was different with digital comics: there was no way for me to share them with my friends. If I was telling my friend about a particularly good issue of The Tick, I could lend that issue to my friend so that he could share in my joy. If, however, I was telling my friend about a good issue of The Amory Wars, I had no such option.

It's clear that this is a DRM issue. Fears surrounding digital piracy had prompted Comixology to "lock down" their comics. "My" digital comics could only be accessed by logging into Comixology's website or via their iOS/Android apps (which hide the downloaded comics where you can't get at them). Surely, this would prevent those nefarious ne'er-do-wells from pirating digital comics. (spoiler alert: it didn't)

Over time, this came to bother me more and more. A particularly troubling thought was "What would happen to my digital comics if Comixology folded? If I'm completely dependent on Comixology for access to my digital comics, would I lose that access?"

This led me to try to read through Comixology's Terms of Use. After wading through several paragraphs of legalese, I found what I was looking for in section 6:

Digital Content is licensed, not sold, to you by comiXology. ComiXology reserves the right to revoke your license to Digital Content at any time for any reason.

Translated into English, this states that Comixology never sold me any digital comics. What they sold me were rights to read said comics though their service - rights that could be revoked at any time and for any reason. If Comixology were to shut down, there's no reason to believe that I would retain any of these rights - my digital comics would simply vanish in a puff of illogic.

My response was immediate:

Me giving up on @comixology is good for @phantomoakland - I'll be adding 19 titles to my pull list tomorrow.

— Bookwyrm76 (@Bookwyrm76) January 16, 2013

It didn't take long for my concerns to be proven correct.

JManga, a digital comic service focused on Japanese comics, is shutting down. Their sales services are in mid-termination, and they plan to shut down entirely on May 30. All of the details can be found here.

Two statements in this announcement are of particular relevance:

As of May 30th 2013 at 11:59pm (US Pacific Time) users will no longer be able to view digital manga content on JManga.com. At this time all purchased and free digital manga content will be erased from all JManga Member’s accounts.

and:

It is not possible to download manga from My Page. All digital manga content will no longer be viewable after May 30th 2013 at 11:59pm (US Pacific Time)

In other words, if you bought digital comics from JManga, they're bring taken away from you at the end of May. There will be no refunds, your money is simply gone. There is no legal way to retain or re-acquire the comics that these folks paid for.

XKCD said it best:

Return of the Grognard

The seed was planted by Choose Your Own Adventure.

The seed was watered by the Lone Wolf series.

One December morning in the early 1990s, the seed bloomed.

A few days after Xmas, I went to visit my neighbors, hoping to drink a couple (root) beers and trade the traditional "what did you get?" tales of the holiday just past. Seeing me at the door, Jeff said "Ooh, cool! Come in, we've got something to show you!" (all quotes are vague recollections at best.) I was led into the game room, where I saw what appeared to be a game board that was printed on a poster.

Dungeons & Dragons had finally entered our lives. I chose the cleric character, and we settled in for what was to be the first of many afternoons around the gaming table.

The adventure that afternoon was "Escape From Zanzer's Dungeon." It's a relatively simple adventure, designed in such a way that the players learn more of the game rules with each step. If you've ever played an Elder Scrolls or Fallout game, you know the sort of thing I'm talking about.

We had a grand time, slaying hobgoblins, freeing slaves, and yes, Escaping From Zanazer's Dungeon. We were hooked, and we almost immediately started designing our own dungeons to delight and torture one another. Before long, we progressed to Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (2nd Edition) and found ourselves adventuring across Krynn, Faerun, Athas, and countless other fantastic lands.

Unfortunately, as is often the case, "real life" moved our fantasy adventures first to the back burner, then into the back of the pantry. When WotC released Dungeons & Dragons Third Edition, I merely watched from the sidelines.

In 2010, we finally managed to re-form our little gaming group, with a few new players for good measure. We took Third Edition for a spin (it's quite good), weathered a shift in membership, and eventually shifted to board games as a result of DM fatigue. We remained in board game mode for a few months until an idea hit me.

Because we never had much available cash for gaming, we had always played homebrewed adventures. As such, we'd never played any of the "classic" adventures of yore - the ones that are so fondly reminisced about in game shoppes worldwide. Now that I can get my hands on some of those classic adventures, maybe I should take the group back to our Second Edition roots and play some of these classic modules!

After abut a month of preparation, on March 1, 2013, we returned to the Forgotten Realms in all its early Second Edition glory. In a tribute to our gaming roots, I've re-tooled Zanzer's Dungeon for use with AD&D Second Edition rules and placed it in the foothills of Tilver's Gap.

By Clangeddin's beard, it feels good to be back.

Stay Classy, Duke Nukem

It had been sitting on my shelf for about a year. It had come into my possesson as part of a "3 for $30" deal, packaged alongside two superior games. I knew it had a reputation for sophomoric, often misogynistic humor. Still, but it couldn't possibly be that bad, could it?

Wow. Not since Leisure Suit Larry has the phrase "sophomoric, often misogynistic humor" been such an understatement. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that Duke Nukem makes ol' Larry seem like a suave gentlemen of refinement and class. Duke Nukem Forever is not merely bad; it transcends the concept of mere badness. It's one of the worst games I've ever played, and I've played E.T.

Come with me, as I explore the first room (not level, room) of Duke Nukem Forever. By the time I'm done, you'll understand what I mean.

After a mildly entertaining opening credit sequence, I find myself looking into a urinal. A "helpful" little instruction appears on the screen, telling me to pull the right trigger in order to "piss".

Taking "potty humor" to a new level.

In a game that was billed as an extreme first person shooter, the first thing I get to shoot is a urinal. Using pee. A lot of pee. It just keeps coming - as long as I hold in the trigger, Duke keeps right on peeing.

Feeling vaguely soiled, I press the X button to exit the urination simulator. Looking around, I see that I'm in a very large, multiroom bathroom facility of the sort used by sportsball teams. Taking a cue from nearly every other game I've ever played, I thoroughly explore the bathroom. One never knows where a useful powerup will be hidden.

Sinks, hot tubs, showers...nothing seems to be particularly useful. Oh, look - more toilets! This time, it's the sit-down model. An onscreen popup informs me that, if I want, I'm able to pee some more.

No thanks.

As I turn away from the toilet, I see the popup message change for just an instant. What was that? Could it be a hidden gun, like in The Godfather? Carefully, I re-orient the camera to get the popup back. Sure enough, it says "(X button) Grab." Obliginly, I press the X Button.

Oh, no. No. That did NOT just happen.

It happened all right.

I just grabbed a turd. I'm holding a fistful of poop. Somebody else's poop. I'm still wondering what possessed the people behind this game to make it possible for me to take a turd out of a toilet when I hear a familiar sound and see a new message appear on my screen.

I just unlocked an achievement for picking up a turd.

Believe it or not, it actually gets worse. Duke Nukem Forever is plagued by badly dated mechanics, poorly designed minigames, and a script that was clearly written by the sort of mouth-breathing neanderthals who still chuckle like Butt-Head every time they hear the word "boob."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I suddenly feel the need to take a shower.

The winner is...

Last week, I offered 100 Geek Points (along with the associated bragging rights) to anybody who could explain the significance of "Auriga, Cetus, Centaurus, Cancer, Scutum, Eridanus." Two people attempted to win the prize.

Geeks, I am disappoint.

Evidently, not even 100 Geek Points could offset the shame and ridicule that would come of getting the answer wrong. </sarcasm> This says a lot for the question's intimidation level, and suggests that it was indeed worthy of the prize.

So, how did those bravest of geeks do?

Jeff was unable to divine the correct answer, but he did correctly deduce that "Auriga, Cetus, Centaurus, Cancer, Scutum, Eridanus" was from Stargate. For getting this close to the correct answer, and for having the toDuj to try, I award him 40 Geek Points.

Cassie clearly brought her "A" game. Not only did she correctly identify the sequence as Earth's stargate address, she named the one episode (out of 214) whewre one could easily read the address:

Congratulations, Cassie. You have earned the Grand Prize: 100 Geek Points. Leaping up on the table and doing a mocking jig is optional, but encouraged.

100 Points

Every now and then I post a trivia question on Facebook, offering Geek Points to anybody who can answer it. These Geek Points are a lot like the points earned by "contestants" on Whose Line is it Anyway, in that they're entirely subjective, and of no real importance.

My most recent trivia question, valued at 30 geek points, was to identify the following image:

Only one person, a generally non-geek person at that, took a shot at answering it. Evidently, I'd underestimated the difficulty of the question. The friend who answered felt the same, saying "Only 30 geek points for that? Hate to see a 100 pt question."

Well, there was only one way to respond to that.

I immediately got to work, wracking my brain for difficult, unusual trivia. This took a while, as I have a wealth of utterly useless information stored in my brain. No, really - my head is full of it.

For a while, I believed that my greatest obstacle was Google. Google knows all, and is at everybody's fingertips. This appeared to be an insurmountable challenge, until I realized something. Using Google to answer a trivia question is calling Mike Tyson a wimpy little sissy boy.* You're only hurting yourself.

That being said, I now present to you:

The 100 Geek Point Trivia Challenge

For 100 Geek Points, what is the significance of the following:
Auriga, Cetus, Centaurus, Cancer, Scutum, Eridanus?

**WARNING**
Geek Points are only awarded to honest players. Dishonest players will receive Chamelioid Points. These points appear to be perfectly ordinary (and highly coveted) Geek Points until you actually take possession of them. At that time, each Chamelioid Point sheds its carapace and splits into five Douchebag Points.

You have been warned.

* - Mike Tyson is not a wimpy little sissy boy. I am. Please don't beat me to a pulp, it wouldn't even be satisfying.

Still Alive

The rumors are not true.

A rogue spell did not transform me into a two headed Eborsisk.

I was not ground into chewy nougat by a pack of feral Ewoks.

The reason for my lengthy absence from this blog is not so much death as it is life. Since I last wrote a post here, I've been creating tabletop games, building websites (teaching myself CSS and XHTML along the way), and catching up on some great science fiction that I missed out on the first time 'round. I've also imbibed a great many beers.

I've also started work on another project that may interest some local nerds. I don't want to divulge any details just yet, but the inspiration struck when The Wife and I were listening to the audiobook version of Ready Player One on a recent car trip. Certain events near the beginning of the book triggered my brain to have a series of "It'd be really fun to..." thoughts, culminating in this idea.

I don't want to spill the beans just yet, I'm still getting all the major details sorted out. Once I'm ready, which should be mid-to-late October, the announcement will appear here and in all relevant social outlets.

Also, if you're interested in the projects that I've been busy with:

Information on the games that I'm working on can be found here.

One of the websites that I've built is here. The second is in the final stages of construction.

Let the Geekend Begin

I'm two weeks behind in my "current" comic books and I made out like a bandit this past Wednesday in the bargain bin. I've also got a handful of trades (Planetary 1-4 and Supergod) that a friend lent me, and I'm planning on borrowing Transmetropolitan from another friend in the near future. All this in addition to the rather large stack of my own trades that I've yet to read.

This, combined with my video game and DVR backlog, calls for several geekends. Maybe, if I keep at it, I can be mostly caught up by Free Comic Book Day.